Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
