I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
