people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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