Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize