Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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