No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
