Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize