is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
