so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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