Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i barfeds in our rink
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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