Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
