i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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