Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
