I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
