By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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