i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
