It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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