I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't deserve a penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
