Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
