I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
