Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize