Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
