ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
