I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize