i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
