Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
