While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize