Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
