Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
