Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
