I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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