we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
