if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
