I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize