Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
