just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
