Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
