So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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