I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
