Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
