We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
