my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So much rum. So many feels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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