I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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