sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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