worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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