After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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