I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
