watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
