you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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