They have a pepper shaker for pot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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