She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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