im holly from the hills drunk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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