My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
