he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
