I feel like abortions should bother me more
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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