Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
