Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
