and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize