just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
