I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drank out of a bidet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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