my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
