My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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