8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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