i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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