remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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