She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
