I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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