So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
