..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
