At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
