I didn't shave. On purpose
handjob tips. give me some.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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