Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My ATM looks so different sober.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
